More Than a Coach — Part 2: What It Actually Looks Like

Last week we talked about the idea that coaches shape humans, not just players. That the relationship you build with your athletes is the foundation everything else is built on.

But what does that actually look like?

Because it's easy to nod along to a concept or to act like our players do when we ask them if something makes sense, right? It's harder to live it out on a Tuesday evening when you're tired, when practice ran long, when you've got a million other things on your plate.

So let me get specific. You've got to get creative sometimes.

I've been to show choir performances. I've sat in the stands at basketball games and baseball games cheering for kids who I also coach on the soccer field. I've visited parents of my players in the hospital.

Not because I have to. Not because anyone is keeping score. But because these kids need to know that their coach sees them as a whole person — not just as a soccer player.

Now I want to be clear — I don't have unlimited time. I can't make it to every event/thing for every player. We all have other things going on. But when I can't show up in the physical, I do my best to show up in the spiritual.

Meaning — I try my best, every training session, to carve out a little bit of time, before we start or after we finish, to just talk. Not about soccer. About life. What's going on at school? How's the family? What's been heavy lately? Sometimes I share something from my own life: a lesson I learned the hard way, something I'm still working through, or just something that’s going on in my own life that I think they can find useful… I think this reminds your players that coaches are human too.

Those five minutes before a session can mean more to a player than anything that happens on the field. And if it’s not at a training session, then during a team bonding event, or at the team hotel in the lobby, get creative!

Lastly, here's a piece of coaching I think gets often overlooked — I ask my players for feedback. I want them to know how much I value their insight, since they're the ones I'm doing this for.

Especially with my U19s. After sessions I'll ask them straight up — did that feel valuable? What worked? What didn't? What do you need more of?

Some coaches might not go there. There's this fear that asking for feedback makes you look like you don't know what you're doing. But in my experience it does the exact opposite. It tells your players that you respect them enough to actually listen. It makes them co-creators of their own development instead of just passengers in it. And honestly? They give really good feedback. They sometimes notice things you might not catch.

When a player feels heard — really heard — they show up differently. More invested. More bought in. More willing to grind through the hard days because they know this environment was built with them in mind too.

That's the thing nobody tells you about building real relationships with your players. It doesn't just make you a better person. It makes you a better coach. And it makes them better players.

The trust you build off the field is what unlocks everything on it.

Next week we're talking about how we should be more thoughtful about how we interact with and give feedback to our players — and we'll be looking at how Jurgen Klopp approaches this.

See you Monday.

— Fred

P.S. - Have you ever gone out of your way for a player outside of soccer? Hit reply or leave a comment and tell me/the community about it.